I’ve had trouble at times judging relationships correctly. Sometimes people I thought were my enemies were not my enemies. Sometimes my friends were not my friends.
I tended not to trust people I thought were enemies. But there were times these enemies really weren’t enemies, and I should have trusted them.
At the same time, there were people I considered friends whom I trusted when I shouldn’t have.
In short, not everyone I thought was an enemy was out to get me, and not everyone whom I thought was a friend had my back.
Life is like a giant game of Survivor. Sometimes your friends will stab you in the back, and sometimes people you think are your enemies will be the ones who stand beside you.
One of the greatest Biblical examples of my enemy is not my enemy, and my friend is not my friend comes to us from King David (2 Samuel 15).
A Son and A Friend Who Couldn’t Be Trusted
David’s son, Absalom, turned against his father. He wanted power and position beyond that of being the King’s son. Over time, he ingratiated himself to the people of Israel, convincing many that he, not David, had their best interests at heart.
Absalom, David’s own son, turned against his father. Someone who should have been standing with him stood against him.
If that were not bad enough, one of David’s trusted counselors, Ahithophel, conspired with Absalom against David. A man David trusted, whom he called a friend, turned out to be a traitor.
Eventually, David fled the capital in fear of his own life. As he left the city, 600 foreigners led by Ittai, the Gittite, followed David.
An Enemy Who Wasn’t an Enemy
If you recall the story of David and Goliath, Goliath was a Gittite. The Gittite’s were the sworn enemies of the Israelites.
So here we are a few years later, and 600 men led by Ittai the Gittite, arrive in the city the day before David leaves. As Ittai and his men begin to follow David, David tells them to turn around and stay with the new king. In response, Ittai affirmed their loyalty and pledged their lives in support of David. He said, “As surely as the LORD lives, and as my lord the king lives, wherever my lord the king may be, whether it means life or death, there will your servant be” (2 Samuel 15:21).
Not long after, David assembled his army and divided the army into three divisions appointing generals over each division. Ittai the Gittite was one of the three men David appointed as a general over his troops.
From sworn enemy of the Israelites to sworn supporter of David, and finally a general commanding David’s troops. Ittai was the enemy who was not an enemy after all.
Lessons for Leaders
Leaders, it is foolish to believe everyone you consider an enemy really is an enemy. It is just as foolish to trust everyone who pretends to be a friend.
The trick is to figure out which is which. Which enemy is really your friend, and which friend is really just waiting for the opportunity to stab you in the back.
What makes this especially hard is some friends really are your friends, and some enemies really are your enemies.
Discernment is what is needed in these situations. James writes, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5).
Leaders, in judging relationships, we need discernment and wisdom from God, and the way to God’s wisdom is through prayer.
Type A leaders who are used to solving their own problems, often rely on our own wisdom and judge poorly.
What we need to do is step back and prayerfully ask God for His wisdom! God knows who our true friends are, and He has promised His wisdom, but only if we humble ourselves and ask!
Join the Conversation
As always, questions and comments are welcome. Have you ever judged a relationship incorrectly? Have you been burned by a friend or supported by someone you thought was an enemy?
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Category: Relationships | Healthy Alliances
